Starting to laugh again

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Right before the stuff hit the fan

"I've decided I'm a popple from the waist up, so one of my parents must have been human."--Becky

"We're going to have a rappin', funkin'...somethin' somethin'"--Becca

"The whole Christianity thing isn't what we d0--it's who we are."--Becca

"When your boyfriend starts saying the word 'condom,' watch out!"--Jenyne

"Don't ever take away my glory.  I'm single and you're not!"--Wendi to Eric

"I felt like pointing them to Jesus with the wrong finger."--Jeremy L.

...and then, a few days later, it was 9/11/01

Random Beginnings for year 2

"She'll be all dried up and so will you!"--Wendi commenting on Jesse not wanting to have kids until he's 40

"Dave, Jake and Jesse?  Not rapists."--Wendi

"She's got an internalized pot release system."--Jack

"We are definitely NOT going on an RNO date.  I will not wear a thong."--Matt to Wendi

"That's not fair.  You can poke me, but I can't poke you and do NOT PUT THAT IN THE QUOTE BOOK!"--Wendi

"It starts with a P and ends with a Psycho."--Wendi

"I am NOT watching Serena the prostitute!"--Wendi

"But that's what I want to be when I grow up.  Why do you think I'm student teaching?"--Amelia

"What's wrong with me?"--Becky

"So many things, so little time."--Wendi

"It looks like throw up...sorry...by that I mean candy."--Nicole

"I have a new piercing--I won't tell you where!"--Eric

"You guys  should just wear my clothes all the time.  That way when you return them, I can just smell myself"--Eric to the women in the room

"I didn't really like the mustache.  It made him look like a child molester.  It was a moles-ache!"--Nick

"Quick!  I need a wife!"--Eric

"Dang!  I'm losing guys!  I need to put up a sign!"--Wendi

"Dang Winner."--Jack

"Don't have little furry friends that turn into balls"--Seth talking about lessons he learned watching 'popples'.

"I am all about full popple nudity"--Seth

"He was like cotton candy boy.  Every time he walked by, I wanted to eat him."--Seth about Michael's multi-colored hair

"Those dynamite are humping the screen.  That's not right."--Becky (about an e-card)

"Wasted is a state.  How you get there can vary."--Keppy

"I need to give Rob a big hug or...my first born or something for fixing my computer."--Becky

"If girls start going back to the hairstyles and makeup of the 80s, I think I'll go gay."--Matt

"Trashy screams Greenville."--Jeremy L.

"The bookstore needs to stop raping us."--Lacy

"All girls are evil...except for us."--Laura

"Dan, sometimes one man is too much."--Beth

"I didn't feel bad for you at all.  You put hot--I mean HOT--macaroni down my pants."--Eric to Jack

"The secret to staying young is being naked."--Eric

"Shh!  Be quiet!  I'm trying to hear the subtitles."--Amelia

"Stupid people taste like chicken."--Emily

"I'll stick my head in your eye"--Haku, Seth's pinky finger

"Haku plays piano--WITH FACE!"--Haku, Seth's pinky finger

"See Dick.  See Dick Run.  I don't know what Dick is doing, but you shouldn't watch."--Dan

"At least, as a third wheel, I could be a tricycle and not a fifth wheel."--Seth

"Now you're a trailer."--Rob

Last 2 weeks of that first year...

"It's like 'just Jack'...minus the gay part."--Cassie

"I'm not a pessimist.  I'm an optimist about failure!"--Ash

"It's almost like being naked, only more aerodynamic."--Jess (about wearing a speedsuit)

"I'm high on Greenville!"--Ash

"God must have a sense of humor 'cause he created bowel movements.  You learn that when you have community bathrooms."--Ash

"I have hair in all the wrong places."--Seth

"If God makes boobs, then I think every man wants to be God."--Becky

"I think I'm riding in a car with a bunch of bi-polar women."--Jack

"I can't help it if I'm romantically involved with a plastic disk"--Jake (about his frisbee)

"Eric, do you want to know what it feels like to be a woman?"--Jack

"Rat boy?  It seems we have an infestation of vermin at Greenville"--Jesse

"The time is right to make new friends."--Dawn's fortune cookie

"Do you want to play rabies tag?"--Thomas

"I wonder how much of what we eat turns in to hair?"--Eric

"I think somebody snuck into my head...."--Dan

"Love is like Laxative chocolate--sweet and poopy all at the same time."--Jess

"You don't need your armpits to sing anyway."--Beth

"The key to dating is not shooting yourself in the foot too quickly."--Eric

"Go away all you cursed vixens of God!"--Eric

"Stop using sex to control me!"--Jack (jokingly) to Seth

"My a** will not cause anyone to stumble....well, maybe if they tripped over it..."--Lauryn

"Some of you will be wenches--I can see it already."--Doc (about the madrigal)

"Rock stars get sashes?  I'll major in rock star!"--Stacey (about Jars of Clay receiving honorary degrees)

"I've got a frohawk--it has the consistency of an afro, but the cut of a mohawk."--Dan

"I'm getting gayer every day."--Dan

The beginning of the end (of year 1)

"I cut off the bottoms so I could sew up the butt."--Nicole

"If jello didn't exist, I wouldn't know the meaning of life."--Jeremy L.

"Ha Ha!  Man whore!"--Jack to Eric

"This is for everyone who has had a bad day and everything has gone like poop."--Jon

"Me saying 'shit' has nothing to do with whether or not I'm a christian."--Seth

"I missed him so bad, I could have peed out my eyes...I have NO idea what that means."--Lauryn

"their perfect little...prep and...jock...and puke...and...lots of bad words!"--Lauryn

"Jesus had many miracles. One was to fee the 5,000.  Another was to feed me!"--Thomas

"I like to flirt with the professors...in a non girl-boy way."--Dan

"I'm anal as well--I do laundry when I run out of underwear."--Mandy

"Guys are dumb.  You would have thought I'd learned by now--I've liked enough of them."--Heather

"Okay back to me driving on the left side of the road and murdering Ryan."--Dr. Boyd

"I think it's funny how people go into missions to escape sex."--Ash

"I'm converting to bi-polarism. Does anyone care if I fart?"--Dan

"Life is like a block of cheese.  It gets better with age, only  eventually it gets crusty and moldy."--Jeremy L.

"I wonder what boredom would look like if you peed it?"--Lauryn

"I'm gonna help girls by seducing them, then leaving them."--Matt S.

"I don't WANT to be in the quote book!"--Dan S.

"Brad is like one of the funniest guys ever--have you ever felt one of his boobs?"--Eric

"You know you big boobs when your cup size fits your head like a swimming cap."--Cassie

"I'll tell you something--my underwear is not plastic."--Eric

"I hate driving in dresses."--Jeff

"After that, Mary would have a few more lambs than we wanted."--Meg C.

"What's so funny?"

"Apparently not me."--Jeremy L.

"I do boyfriends--I mean, I don't DO boyfriends"--Eric O.

"He's just having too much fun with himself."--Tova

"Too bad I'm married and he's a male whore."--Andi

"When the lights aren't running, testosterone runs this campus."--Michael S.

"I've lost my puppy.  Can you help me find him?  I think he's gone into this cheap hotel room."--Keppy (trying to find the worst pick-up line ever)

"You don't populate the world with it and call it 'junk'"--Seth

"It's a christian college--All the guys are Chauvinists."--Dave B.

"I would half of my intelligence for retractable claws."--Jeremy K.

"We live life forward, but understand it backward."--Dr. Martin

"Yeah, not getting any where can be a problem.  I have that problem with women."--Jeremy L.

"I like to use boys--they're squishy!"--Emily

"All girls are hootches in their own way."--Erica R. 

"Soap gives me the runs."--Thomas

"I'm happy 'cause I'm a dirty dirty boy."--Mandi

"How am I ever going to get a husband if I keep making farting noises at the table?"--Mandi

"Brad has a dress in his closet--Don't ask me how I know that."--Ryan W. 

"Bury the opossum?  THERE'S A DEAD OPOSSUM IN MY CAR!?!"--Jeremy K.

"I'm a lazy bum"--Brad

"Not just his bum--all of him is lazy"--Emily

"I know I shouldn't think up ways to torture boys, but it's so fun."--Mandi

"Sam, can I borrow your thing that speeds up atoms and explodes cats?"--Nicole (she'd forgotten the word 'microwave')

"Don't confuse love with rabies."--Seth

"If I made sense, I'd invest it and make dollars."--Josh

"All I've been doing is writing speeches and writing in scripture notebooks."--Clint

"Me too, poopyhead."--Mandi

"I worship Captain Hair and so should you!" --Brad (about Perry)

Spring Fever (and choir tour)

"If you ever want to become sterile for a short period of time, wear leather pants.  I think they do it."--Jack

"Married men have no merit."--Blair

"You now have a little bit of gayness in you."--Kelly

"Take off your clothes...I mean, 'hi!'"--Dan

"All I have gotten from the last two classes is sphincters and exploding parrots."--Dan

"Pickles are immortal."--Beth

"Don't look at your belly in the mirror 'cause it's not really a mirror."--Amber

"It's the fourth member of the trinity--the Holy Spost."--Bryan L.

"Stop it, you perverted hussy!"--Sarah 

"I've always wondered what would happen if you could physically 'pop' a cat?"--Cassie

"It's the ancient blood-sucking meepaw of the aborigines." --Cassie 

"Blessed are you among women--you don't have to move."--Dr. Wilson

"Jebus I adore thee"--Brad

"I'm just one of those 4-letter words"--Brad

"Perry would make a better woman than Nick"--Jeff

"Tiffany has a prostitute pillow!"--Cassie

"She is NOT a skank!  She's wearing flannel!"--Tiffany

"I'm a dung-flinging chimpanzee, not a dung-flinging monkey--get it right!"--Matt S.

"Why didn't you tell me my dress was gaping?  The boys just saw my candy shop!"--Meg

"And now a reading....from ME!  God's a brick house!"--Nick

"I love my brother, I just don't LOVE my brother.  That would be Kentucky love."--Stacey

"What kind of mechanical device would you use to apply Cortizone to your anal pore?"--Cassie

"An electric toothbrush."--Heather

"Can somebody get my balls?  They're rolling down the aisle?"--Eric W.

"No cross dressing!"--Dr. Wilson

"Jill is actually the farm boy."--Brad

"Dead people don't sing."--Dr. Wilson

"My moment is when I walk by and they don't say 'What is that thing?'"--Matt S. 

"This is the beginning of the end.  Doc's going to quit the a cappella choir and start the head hit choir."--Aaron

"Everything's bigger in Texas....no, it isn't.  For instance, Armadillos..."--Brad

"Ryan Giffen."--Blair

"What is this?  I'm too sexy for this game?"--Shelly

"Anchovies are the antichrist"--Erica R.

"I can't contain myself when I'm in the bathroom"--Ash

"Let's sing this again, but this time in tune"--Dr. Wilson

"Does anyone have some wetness I can drink?"--Aaron

"See, Brad is just fun to play with."--Emily

"BUTT MAGNET!"--Eric and Jeff

"Enough of that butt crap."--Aaron

"We'll do a reduced program--Trinity minus one or something."--Dr. Wilson

"I can't resist a man in a tux."--Heather

"Brad's so sexy...Even with a rug on his chest."--Emily

"I am not immature you poopy-face stupid head."--Jeff

Any one else ready for Spring Break?

"When a problem comes along, you must F it."--Jeremy K.

"Oops!  I shouldn't kill that...It's a plant."--Dan

"If POD is a terrible band, then Jesus was a whore."--Seth

"I wanna be a post-modern, post-pot smoking minister!"--Lauryn

"Ah, Sex.  It makes everyone wake up in the morning."--Lauryn

"Every object in the world is comparable to their unit."--Becky

"Wrestling in Ancient Greece promoted homosexuality--I'm beginning to see why."--Seth

"Most people call it a zipper.  I call it a hole in the crotch."--Seth

"Welcome to Southern IL where 90% of us are inbred, but don't hold that against us."--Our choir host parent in Marion, IL

"Kathy's spiritual gift is seduction."--Heather

"Any part of you that touched me, you aren't getting back."--Cassie

"Turtle"--Dan

Winter Bleakness must be getting to us...

"NO!  I was NOT born in an English phone booth!"--Emily

" I am trying to start a rumor. Shut up."--Keppy

"I think viewing one case of genital warts would cure you of any libido you might have for the rest of your life."--Lauryn

We are all the body of Christ.  Somebody's gotta be the asshole."--Robert

"Screwing is not good, especially from Professor Marsch."--Thomas

"I want to have your puppies."--Seth

"You can't say Lauryn's last name--it's against the lifestyle statement."--Rob

"Selch sounds like a German swear word."--Lauryn

"I'm like Farmer Barbie!  What the heck!"--Emily

"If I knew someone with their jaw wired shut, I'd make fun of them too."--Ryan

"They should have an interterm class on body percussion."--Jack

"Yeah, they should call it 'how to play with yourself.'"--Seth

"It's funny how nowadays people associate actress and actor with bitch and bastard."--Jeremy K.

"Was that before or after he got humped in the union?"--Beth

"What's her name?"--??

"Liar girl."--Thomas

"No, her real name."--?

"That is her real name.  She just disguised it with another."--Thomas

"God is not a piece of chicken."--Rob

"It's symbolism.  Whoever pees in the middle (stall) is like Christ.  I'm usually the Christ figure."--Jess

"It's sex or nothing."--Beth

"Dude, you can see his buns"--Thomas upon watching Matt S. in a cheeseburger costume.

"Women?  Where we're going, we don't need women!"--Joe

"The inflatable roommate would be really quiet and if you get ticked at him, you can punch him and watch him blow up."--Em

"Like me, only bouncy!"--Jack

"He deserves to look masculine, he just can't do it."--Dan

"A 1-piece jigsaw puzzle girl would be like you say hello to her and she jumps on top of you, and I haven't met a girl like that yet."--Eric

"Eric, you haven't said hello to me yet."--Amber

"Have you ever wondered how many rodents have crawled into J.J's hair and died?"--Trisha

"That was really well done--stupid movie."--Dan

"If you rebel against everything, you stand for nothing."--Emily H.

"The thing that you dislike about someone else is the thing you hate most about yourself."--Eric

"My problem is all the girls I've liked have turned anti-me."--Jeff

"The explanation for the breakdown in communication is as simple as this: A woman wanted to have ESP, and he thought she said ESPN."--Emily (paraphrasing Jeff)

"If you wet yourself, I might just have to take that as a compliment."--Lauryn

"I think we should petition to call the new building 'Norm Hall Hall'"--Eric

"Jack, then you will get your hand stuck in a tampon machine."--Cassie

"Chai is sex for the mouth"--Josh

"I'm actually honored that he thinks I would blow up the school for something as stupid as him."--Jack

"I thought of becoming homosexual so girls would like me."--Dan

"Is there a peeing section in the pool?"--Eric

"Don't turn the lights off!  Everyone will have sex!"--Lauryn

"Jesus wore depends, or at least the ancient day equivalent of."--Michael S. 

 

"Every good movie should have frogs, crack, and a random naked guy."--Jeff

"I just let the funk envelop me."--Thomas

And the craziness continued!

"My mom used to say, 'Josh, you carry so much weight in your head.'"--Josh A.

"I think I'm lactating Chocolate."--Eric

"I wish I could spank."--Wendi to Eric

"If your religion doesn't account for love, sex, and romantic notions, something that is so central to our human existence, your religion isn't worth a crock of shit."--Dr. Shaw

"I love it that he doesn't feel like an idiot."--Jenyne

"I'm convinced that it's squirrel meat.  Every Monday it seems there is a lesser population of them."--Jeff

"Why does everything taste like chicken?  Did God run out of ideas or something?"--Cassie

"God is an eighth note."--Doc Wilson

"It sounds like you're saying 'salivate with Jesus!'"--Lauren

"I hate people who overly exaggerate."--Lauren

"I think when we die, God is going to use this quote book to say why we are not going to get into Heaven."--Michael S.

"75% of all statistics are made up."--Rob

"I'm gonna create some kind of website for Christian promiscuity." --Rambo

"The NASTIEST thing would be if you were a guy attracted only to dead male puppies."--Michael H.

Interterm Madness!

"I've got pooh on my underwear!"--Emily M.

"It's okay, baby.  I've got protection."--Jess referring to her mouth guard

"Our goal is to create the most 'exceptional' children in the world."--Justin

"If I had to make love to a spoon, this is the spoon it would be."--Justin

"If they were goldfish that LOOKED like elephants..."--Jack (about wanting an elephant for a pet in the dorms)

"Ski mask toaster bit you!"--Jess

"I am convinced the devil is a French man"--Jeremy L.

"Joe, are you drunk?"

"Whatever makes you look better."--Joe L.

"I looked like I was peeing on Eric Moss for 10 minutes"--Jess

"Greenville rolls up it's sidewalk at 6 O'Clock."--Dan

"You're not anal retentive, hon.  Your butthole is so loose."--Amelia to Justin

"Back rubs and the opposite sex are like hot tubs and beer.  They should NOT go together--it doubles the reaction."--Andy S.

"If you were in a horror movie, you'd be eaten."--Lauren to Jeff

"I don't ever want to have sex.  I just want to eat meat."--Lauren

"I will picture Eric as an ugly woman in a trash red dress with a fro and stuff stuck in it.  He's also got to have blue eyeshadow, dollar store lipstick and big saggy boobs"--Jess

"with a kid hanging from each one."--Amelia

"Would everyone who's circumcised move to this side of the room, and everyone who's uncircumcised move to that side of the room.  Norm Hall will come around to take pictures."--Amelia

"You shouldn't wear a speedo in the hot tub anyway."--Brandon H.

"It wasn't supposed to look like a severed head."--Wendi

"If someone steals my clothes, I'll probably talk to them too."--Josh A.

"Jack did someone put a razor blade in your glass again?"--Jess

"Wow!  I think it's weird that you only have 3 nipples"--Jeremy L.

 

"If you spell of um backwards, it's mo fo."--Thomas

"Jesus is a phallic symbol."--Eric

 

"There's stuff all over the floor and I don't seem to care."--Jack pretending to be Eric

"All you have to do is pull out the Krammit."--Thomas

"Well, I have to urinate like a billygoat."--Thomas

"I have to go to Rum flavoring anonymous."--Ash

"When we all get older, we should all live in the same restroom together."--Amber (meaning rest home).

"Jesus actually had a fro--he was homeboy Jesus."--Justin

"What Christians have to realize is that there are breasts in the world and some of them are naked."--Dr. Boyd

 

"You've been tag-teamed by two flaming caterpillars."--Jess

"Ugliness is the unforgivable sin."--Mandi

"Beware the ether bunny"--Jeremy L.

"I would not want Michael Jackson in my wallet."--Thomas