Interterm Madness!

"I've got pooh on my underwear!"--Emily M.

"It's okay, baby.  I've got protection."--Jess referring to her mouth guard

"Our goal is to create the most 'exceptional' children in the world."--Justin

"If I had to make love to a spoon, this is the spoon it would be."--Justin

"If they were goldfish that LOOKED like elephants..."--Jack (about wanting an elephant for a pet in the dorms)

"Ski mask toaster bit you!"--Jess

"I am convinced the devil is a French man"--Jeremy L.

"Joe, are you drunk?"

"Whatever makes you look better."--Joe L.

"I looked like I was peeing on Eric Moss for 10 minutes"--Jess

"Greenville rolls up it's sidewalk at 6 O'Clock."--Dan

"You're not anal retentive, hon.  Your butthole is so loose."--Amelia to Justin

"Back rubs and the opposite sex are like hot tubs and beer.  They should NOT go together--it doubles the reaction."--Andy S.

"If you were in a horror movie, you'd be eaten."--Lauren to Jeff

"I don't ever want to have sex.  I just want to eat meat."--Lauren

"I will picture Eric as an ugly woman in a trash red dress with a fro and stuff stuck in it.  He's also got to have blue eyeshadow, dollar store lipstick and big saggy boobs"--Jess

"with a kid hanging from each one."--Amelia

"Would everyone who's circumcised move to this side of the room, and everyone who's uncircumcised move to that side of the room.  Norm Hall will come around to take pictures."--Amelia

"You shouldn't wear a speedo in the hot tub anyway."--Brandon H.

"It wasn't supposed to look like a severed head."--Wendi

"If someone steals my clothes, I'll probably talk to them too."--Josh A.

"Jack did someone put a razor blade in your glass again?"--Jess

"Wow!  I think it's weird that you only have 3 nipples"--Jeremy L.

 

"If you spell of um backwards, it's mo fo."--Thomas

"Jesus is a phallic symbol."--Eric

 

"There's stuff all over the floor and I don't seem to care."--Jack pretending to be Eric

"All you have to do is pull out the Krammit."--Thomas

"Well, I have to urinate like a billygoat."--Thomas

"I have to go to Rum flavoring anonymous."--Ash

"When we all get older, we should all live in the same restroom together."--Amber (meaning rest home).

"Jesus actually had a fro--he was homeboy Jesus."--Justin

"What Christians have to realize is that there are breasts in the world and some of them are naked."--Dr. Boyd

 

"You've been tag-teamed by two flaming caterpillars."--Jess

"Ugliness is the unforgivable sin."--Mandi

"Beware the ether bunny"--Jeremy L.

"I would not want Michael Jackson in my wallet."--Thomas

Stress+finals+lack of sleep= what you see here

"There's a dumb hat on my tray"--Amber (about an upside-down ice cream cone)

"This is your brain.  This is your brain on a dumb hat."--James

"I want to name my first son Homosasis Pubitus."--Mike H.

"He's on my poop star list right now."--Jess

"We are the Scotsmen who say 'Baa!'"--Thomas

"Beth is not a leg of mutton."--Jack

"Kristin, don't chicks dig strong armpit muscles?"--David S.

"I always know who I'm eating."--Mary N.

"He's moving 'cause he's like 'I've gotta get Jesus some more diapers.  There's no rest for Joseph.'"--Thomas 

"Do you dream of Mozart whipping you?"--Jess

"That's like Diarrhea in your head all day long."--Seth

"Baby Jesus is gonna be in the movie.  Why would there be a gratuitous sex scene?"--Lauren

"Especially not with that bald haired guy over there."--Jess

"Eric, you're like a big, cuddly sex offender."--Jeremy L. 

"Don't say 'naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies,' and then don't show us any naked ladies."--Dr. Shaw

"My head is quite fragrant."--Amelia

"Someday when your nose is flat like this, a boy will come along and sweep you off your nose."--Amelia to Cassie

"Their hands were not predestined to touch my girlfriend's butt."--Justin

"I am your muslim girlfriend.  You may kiss me, but only through the veil."--Amelia

"I'm just not feeling the love from the men lately."--Jess

"The new hoover vacuum--it sucks more than you."--Aaron

"That's like saying he's the ugly version of the elephant man."--Jeff

"At least if I freeze and die, I'm going to heaven."--Amber

Some professor Quotes from Fall 2000

"Can someone email me and remind me about satan?"--Prof. Ruth Huston

"I'll call him up and have him email you."--Justin

"Let's take a detour with Satan!"--Prof. Ruth Huston

"Don't get tacos on my couch!"--Dr. Shaw

Awkwardness

"You'd 'pick up' a girl at Dairy Queen?"--Trisha

"Hey.  That's where they treat you right."--Jeremy

"Don't put off till tomorrow what you can pretend to do today."--Jack

"Boys on the side...of my barn"--??(from a list of 17 titles rejected for 'Twister')

"Yeah, I'm pretty much a-sexual."--Trisha

"Thomas is my favorite caveman"--Jeremy L.

"I have many opportunities to work for Microsoft because of my ice cream cone making skills."--Brian

"I always thought that was an odd name--Mr. McFEELY."--Jeremy L.

"I guess making out at the table is bad etiquette."--James

"with your boss."--Jack

"I pretty much lust after anything that moves or breathes"--Jeremy L.

"Your head doesn't go there.  That's a big bozo no-no."--Cassie

"He's got bigger breasts than I do, and that's just scary.  Then he'd walk out in just his underwear..."--Jess

"Every part of the female form looks like it's supposed to be there.  With us, it's just like...this THING."--Jeff

"My brother peed on my a couple of times"--Jeremy L.

"Something is shooting out of my dog!"--Jess

"Jesus would have had sex in church if he was married."--Eric

"I like Florida because it makes the United States look like it's peeing on Cuba."--Eric

"We should praise God for giving us the ability to poop because it's fun!"--Eric

"Thank God for giving us computers we can use on the crapper."--Jeff

"Can I touch your Uvula?" --Jeff

"Conform, dang it!"--Jack

Battle of the Sexes at dinner

"Your purpose is to be God's inter-galatical joke."--Trisha to Jeremy.

"Blood tastes like metal bars."--Lyndsey

"You have no room to talk, Mr. 'my town smells like wretched quaker oats'."--Trisha to Ben

"No (the quad cities) aren't horrid, but one in three people carry the plague."--Jeremy

"O that I had a Uterus!  I would sell my eggs!"--Jeremy

"We'd all make ugly women."--Jeremy talking to a co-ed group

"Homosexuality is the solution to all life's problems."--Trisha paraphrasing Jeremy

"I mooned President Mannoia."--Thomas (jokingly)

"The time J.J. dressed in drag, I have to admit, I found him more attractive as a women."--Lauren

"Sex is a lot like air.  It only matters when you're not getting any."--Jeff

"Guys why am I so retarded?"--??

"That's the way God made you."--Clint

"No, Tom.  You can't major in Necrophilia."--Dan

"It sounds so different in my head."--Dan

Strange things overheard...

"AAAHHHH! someone is pooping in my ear!"--Mike, as a horrible song came on the radio

"Brian, is that how you get women?"--Andy

"Me?  I don't get women."--Brian

"I just touched your leg and I'm not into that tonight."--Maggie

"Oh yeah?  Well I thought you were gay when I first met you."--Lauren to Mike

"What's more important--tampons or God?"--Matt

"That's not as cute as I thought it was.  I liked it better without the face sucking."--Maggie

"Life's it's own foot."--Mike (about poetry)

"He's getting old.  He's probably a pedophile by now."--David H.

"If you grabbed other men's genitals, you'd be from Michigan."--Jess

"Christians are the horniest people EVER."--Wendi

"Speaking of going to the bathroom, I learned a new trick."--Eric

"What's with people spitting their gum in the urinals?"--Jack

"She was a hooker--but I don't think she was naked."--Dr. Shaw

"He's my adopted twin brother."--Joe

"Joe, I love you."--Amber

"I love me too."--Joe

"I'm so happy, I could moon someone."--Cassie

"Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as chicken."--Amber

"Oh my gosh!  It says 'poop' in Japanese!"--Thomas

"My entire life is a hyperbole."--Emily

Ah, the things you hear in a girl's dorm early in the morning

"Nothing wakes you up in the morning like the feeling of hard nipples."--Emily paraphrasing Lauren.

"We started kissing.  Then I saw orange.  Then I woke up."--Jess

"Put THAT in your quote book and smoke it!"--Lauren

"Tova's wearing her little work costume!"--Lauren