Stress+finals+lack of sleep= what you see here

"There's a dumb hat on my tray"--Amber (about an upside-down ice cream cone)

"This is your brain.  This is your brain on a dumb hat."--James

"I want to name my first son Homosasis Pubitus."--Mike H.

"He's on my poop star list right now."--Jess

"We are the Scotsmen who say 'Baa!'"--Thomas

"Beth is not a leg of mutton."--Jack

"Kristin, don't chicks dig strong armpit muscles?"--David S.

"I always know who I'm eating."--Mary N.

"He's moving 'cause he's like 'I've gotta get Jesus some more diapers.  There's no rest for Joseph.'"--Thomas 

"Do you dream of Mozart whipping you?"--Jess

"That's like Diarrhea in your head all day long."--Seth

"Baby Jesus is gonna be in the movie.  Why would there be a gratuitous sex scene?"--Lauren

"Especially not with that bald haired guy over there."--Jess

"Eric, you're like a big, cuddly sex offender."--Jeremy L. 

"Don't say 'naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies,' and then don't show us any naked ladies."--Dr. Shaw

"My head is quite fragrant."--Amelia

"Someday when your nose is flat like this, a boy will come along and sweep you off your nose."--Amelia to Cassie

"Their hands were not predestined to touch my girlfriend's butt."--Justin

"I am your muslim girlfriend.  You may kiss me, but only through the veil."--Amelia

"I'm just not feeling the love from the men lately."--Jess

"The new hoover vacuum--it sucks more than you."--Aaron

"That's like saying he's the ugly version of the elephant man."--Jeff

"At least if I freeze and die, I'm going to heaven."--Amber

Some professor Quotes from Fall 2000

"Can someone email me and remind me about satan?"--Prof. Ruth Huston

"I'll call him up and have him email you."--Justin

"Let's take a detour with Satan!"--Prof. Ruth Huston

"Don't get tacos on my couch!"--Dr. Shaw

Awkwardness

"You'd 'pick up' a girl at Dairy Queen?"--Trisha

"Hey.  That's where they treat you right."--Jeremy

"Don't put off till tomorrow what you can pretend to do today."--Jack

"Boys on the side...of my barn"--??(from a list of 17 titles rejected for 'Twister')

"Yeah, I'm pretty much a-sexual."--Trisha

"Thomas is my favorite caveman"--Jeremy L.

"I have many opportunities to work for Microsoft because of my ice cream cone making skills."--Brian

"I always thought that was an odd name--Mr. McFEELY."--Jeremy L.

"I guess making out at the table is bad etiquette."--James

"with your boss."--Jack

"I pretty much lust after anything that moves or breathes"--Jeremy L.

"Your head doesn't go there.  That's a big bozo no-no."--Cassie

"He's got bigger breasts than I do, and that's just scary.  Then he'd walk out in just his underwear..."--Jess

"Every part of the female form looks like it's supposed to be there.  With us, it's just like...this THING."--Jeff

"My brother peed on my a couple of times"--Jeremy L.

"Something is shooting out of my dog!"--Jess

"Jesus would have had sex in church if he was married."--Eric

"I like Florida because it makes the United States look like it's peeing on Cuba."--Eric

"We should praise God for giving us the ability to poop because it's fun!"--Eric

"Thank God for giving us computers we can use on the crapper."--Jeff

"Can I touch your Uvula?" --Jeff

"Conform, dang it!"--Jack

Battle of the Sexes at dinner

"Your purpose is to be God's inter-galatical joke."--Trisha to Jeremy.

"Blood tastes like metal bars."--Lyndsey

"You have no room to talk, Mr. 'my town smells like wretched quaker oats'."--Trisha to Ben

"No (the quad cities) aren't horrid, but one in three people carry the plague."--Jeremy

"O that I had a Uterus!  I would sell my eggs!"--Jeremy

"We'd all make ugly women."--Jeremy talking to a co-ed group

"Homosexuality is the solution to all life's problems."--Trisha paraphrasing Jeremy

"I mooned President Mannoia."--Thomas (jokingly)

"The time J.J. dressed in drag, I have to admit, I found him more attractive as a women."--Lauren

"Sex is a lot like air.  It only matters when you're not getting any."--Jeff

"Guys why am I so retarded?"--??

"That's the way God made you."--Clint

"No, Tom.  You can't major in Necrophilia."--Dan

"It sounds so different in my head."--Dan

Strange things overheard...

"AAAHHHH! someone is pooping in my ear!"--Mike, as a horrible song came on the radio

"Brian, is that how you get women?"--Andy

"Me?  I don't get women."--Brian

"I just touched your leg and I'm not into that tonight."--Maggie

"Oh yeah?  Well I thought you were gay when I first met you."--Lauren to Mike

"What's more important--tampons or God?"--Matt

"That's not as cute as I thought it was.  I liked it better without the face sucking."--Maggie

"Life's it's own foot."--Mike (about poetry)

"He's getting old.  He's probably a pedophile by now."--David H.

"If you grabbed other men's genitals, you'd be from Michigan."--Jess

"Christians are the horniest people EVER."--Wendi

"Speaking of going to the bathroom, I learned a new trick."--Eric

"What's with people spitting their gum in the urinals?"--Jack

"She was a hooker--but I don't think she was naked."--Dr. Shaw

"He's my adopted twin brother."--Joe

"Joe, I love you."--Amber

"I love me too."--Joe

"I'm so happy, I could moon someone."--Cassie

"Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as chicken."--Amber

"Oh my gosh!  It says 'poop' in Japanese!"--Thomas

"My entire life is a hyperbole."--Emily

Ah, the things you hear in a girl's dorm early in the morning

"Nothing wakes you up in the morning like the feeling of hard nipples."--Emily paraphrasing Lauren.

"We started kissing.  Then I saw orange.  Then I woke up."--Jess

"Put THAT in your quote book and smoke it!"--Lauren

"Tova's wearing her little work costume!"--Lauren

More disturbing dinner conversations

"Sex is a lot like Pizza.  When it's good, it's REALLY good.  When it's bad, it's still pretty good."--Jeff

"If I have diarrhea, I'm going to make my wife hold my hand."--Daniel, on what a wimp he is. 

"Eric, I don't want you coming home pregnant."--Jack (Eric's roommate)

"So you want to be a millionaire?--Maybe.  I don't know, but it conflicts with my schedule."--Eric about the television show

"I need some protein.  Becky, can I eat your hair?"--Eric

"I don't think I'd sodomize myself."--Eric, meaning to say 'soil.'

"They're a few bricks short of a happy meal."--Chip

"Oh no!  That would involve me humping people!"--Thomas (about pretending to be Mr. Peepers)

"Put gel in your knuckle hair--come on!  all the guys are doing it."--Jack

"God gave us a great big universe.  It's like a gigantic play toy with no instructions.  We're bound to break it sometime."--Jeff

The Trip (and quotes) that started it all...

Mid-October, 2000.  We'd just finished shack-a-thon, and many of us were headed to chicago for our class, "World of the Bible".  Only first names/nicknames will be provided to protect the not-so-innocent.

"You let a 4-wheeler ride a 12-year-old?"--Brian (getting a bit confused)

"That Flower's gonna die--just like your girlfriend."--Brian

"Shut up before I stab you with my chopsticks."--Amber

"I  think I'm perfect."--Andy

"I have chopsticks and I know how to use them."--Beth

"Hey, Emily.  Lay off the crack."--Lemon

"You will participate in a gala affair--in bed."--Andy

"If you want to see the virgin Mary who look like E.T., go to the corner or 57th and Euclid."--psycho guy on bus.

"It's like quasimoto on crack"--Lemon about the bells that rang from 9a.m-2p.m.

Then things got REALLY crazy as we settled in to the hostel for the night:

"A real man likes a firm embrace."--Josh

"Real men like hugs from other men."--Hutz

"What the hell? "--Josh

" I'm neutral--I'm Switzerland."--Josh

"Bomb their ares and bomb their jelly shots!"--Hutz

"A boyfriend is like a puppy dog--you have to let him know when he's doing good and when he's being bad."--Hutz

"We're going to call our band 'Gentile poo'!"--Brian and Joe L.

"Who stole my Ritz bits?  I thought this was a Christian college!"--Lacy