"If I have diarrhea, I'm going to make my wife hold my hand."--Daniel, on what a wimp he is.
"Eric, I don't want you coming home pregnant."--Jack (Eric's roommate)
"So you want to be a millionaire?--Maybe. I don't know, but it conflicts with my schedule."--Eric about the television show
"I need some protein. Becky, can I eat your hair?"--Eric
"I don't think I'd sodomize myself."--Eric, meaning to say 'soil.'
"They're a few bricks short of a happy meal."--Chip
"Oh no! That would involve me humping people!"--Thomas (about pretending to be Mr. Peepers)
"Put gel in your knuckle hair--come on! all the guys are doing it."--Jack
"God gave us a great big universe. It's like a gigantic play toy with no instructions. We're bound to break it sometime."--Jeff
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