Random Beginnings for year 2

"She'll be all dried up and so will you!"--Wendi commenting on Jesse not wanting to have kids until he's 40

"Dave, Jake and Jesse?  Not rapists."--Wendi

"She's got an internalized pot release system."--Jack

"We are definitely NOT going on an RNO date.  I will not wear a thong."--Matt to Wendi

"That's not fair.  You can poke me, but I can't poke you and do NOT PUT THAT IN THE QUOTE BOOK!"--Wendi

"It starts with a P and ends with a Psycho."--Wendi

"I am NOT watching Serena the prostitute!"--Wendi

"But that's what I want to be when I grow up.  Why do you think I'm student teaching?"--Amelia

"What's wrong with me?"--Becky

"So many things, so little time."--Wendi

"It looks like throw up...sorry...by that I mean candy."--Nicole

"I have a new piercing--I won't tell you where!"--Eric

"You guys  should just wear my clothes all the time.  That way when you return them, I can just smell myself"--Eric to the women in the room

"I didn't really like the mustache.  It made him look like a child molester.  It was a moles-ache!"--Nick

"Quick!  I need a wife!"--Eric

"Dang!  I'm losing guys!  I need to put up a sign!"--Wendi

"Dang Winner."--Jack

"Don't have little furry friends that turn into balls"--Seth talking about lessons he learned watching 'popples'.

"I am all about full popple nudity"--Seth

"He was like cotton candy boy.  Every time he walked by, I wanted to eat him."--Seth about Michael's multi-colored hair

"Those dynamite are humping the screen.  That's not right."--Becky (about an e-card)

"Wasted is a state.  How you get there can vary."--Keppy

"I need to give Rob a big hug or...my first born or something for fixing my computer."--Becky

"If girls start going back to the hairstyles and makeup of the 80s, I think I'll go gay."--Matt

"Trashy screams Greenville."--Jeremy L.

"The bookstore needs to stop raping us."--Lacy

"All girls are evil...except for us."--Laura

"Dan, sometimes one man is too much."--Beth

"I didn't feel bad for you at all.  You put hot--I mean HOT--macaroni down my pants."--Eric to Jack

"The secret to staying young is being naked."--Eric

"Shh!  Be quiet!  I'm trying to hear the subtitles."--Amelia

"Stupid people taste like chicken."--Emily

"I'll stick my head in your eye"--Haku, Seth's pinky finger

"Haku plays piano--WITH FACE!"--Haku, Seth's pinky finger

"See Dick.  See Dick Run.  I don't know what Dick is doing, but you shouldn't watch."--Dan

"At least, as a third wheel, I could be a tricycle and not a fifth wheel."--Seth

"Now you're a trailer."--Rob

Last 2 weeks of that first year...

"It's like 'just Jack'...minus the gay part."--Cassie

"I'm not a pessimist.  I'm an optimist about failure!"--Ash

"It's almost like being naked, only more aerodynamic."--Jess (about wearing a speedsuit)

"I'm high on Greenville!"--Ash

"God must have a sense of humor 'cause he created bowel movements.  You learn that when you have community bathrooms."--Ash

"I have hair in all the wrong places."--Seth

"If God makes boobs, then I think every man wants to be God."--Becky

"I think I'm riding in a car with a bunch of bi-polar women."--Jack

"I can't help it if I'm romantically involved with a plastic disk"--Jake (about his frisbee)

"Eric, do you want to know what it feels like to be a woman?"--Jack

"Rat boy?  It seems we have an infestation of vermin at Greenville"--Jesse

"The time is right to make new friends."--Dawn's fortune cookie

"Do you want to play rabies tag?"--Thomas

"I wonder how much of what we eat turns in to hair?"--Eric

"I think somebody snuck into my head...."--Dan

"Love is like Laxative chocolate--sweet and poopy all at the same time."--Jess

"You don't need your armpits to sing anyway."--Beth

"The key to dating is not shooting yourself in the foot too quickly."--Eric

"Go away all you cursed vixens of God!"--Eric

"Stop using sex to control me!"--Jack (jokingly) to Seth

"My a** will not cause anyone to stumble....well, maybe if they tripped over it..."--Lauryn

"Some of you will be wenches--I can see it already."--Doc (about the madrigal)

"Rock stars get sashes?  I'll major in rock star!"--Stacey (about Jars of Clay receiving honorary degrees)

"I've got a frohawk--it has the consistency of an afro, but the cut of a mohawk."--Dan

"I'm getting gayer every day."--Dan

The beginning of the end (of year 1)

"I cut off the bottoms so I could sew up the butt."--Nicole

"If jello didn't exist, I wouldn't know the meaning of life."--Jeremy L.

"Ha Ha!  Man whore!"--Jack to Eric

"This is for everyone who has had a bad day and everything has gone like poop."--Jon

"Me saying 'shit' has nothing to do with whether or not I'm a christian."--Seth

"I missed him so bad, I could have peed out my eyes...I have NO idea what that means."--Lauryn

"their perfect little...prep and...jock...and puke...and...lots of bad words!"--Lauryn

"Jesus had many miracles. One was to fee the 5,000.  Another was to feed me!"--Thomas

"I like to flirt with the professors...in a non girl-boy way."--Dan

"I'm anal as well--I do laundry when I run out of underwear."--Mandy

"Guys are dumb.  You would have thought I'd learned by now--I've liked enough of them."--Heather

"Okay back to me driving on the left side of the road and murdering Ryan."--Dr. Boyd

"I think it's funny how people go into missions to escape sex."--Ash

"I'm converting to bi-polarism. Does anyone care if I fart?"--Dan

"Life is like a block of cheese.  It gets better with age, only  eventually it gets crusty and moldy."--Jeremy L.

"I wonder what boredom would look like if you peed it?"--Lauryn

"I'm gonna help girls by seducing them, then leaving them."--Matt S.

"I don't WANT to be in the quote book!"--Dan S.

"Brad is like one of the funniest guys ever--have you ever felt one of his boobs?"--Eric

"You know you big boobs when your cup size fits your head like a swimming cap."--Cassie

"I'll tell you something--my underwear is not plastic."--Eric

"I hate driving in dresses."--Jeff

"After that, Mary would have a few more lambs than we wanted."--Meg C.

"What's so funny?"

"Apparently not me."--Jeremy L.

"I do boyfriends--I mean, I don't DO boyfriends"--Eric O.

"He's just having too much fun with himself."--Tova

"Too bad I'm married and he's a male whore."--Andi

"When the lights aren't running, testosterone runs this campus."--Michael S.

"I've lost my puppy.  Can you help me find him?  I think he's gone into this cheap hotel room."--Keppy (trying to find the worst pick-up line ever)

"You don't populate the world with it and call it 'junk'"--Seth

"It's a christian college--All the guys are Chauvinists."--Dave B.

"I would half of my intelligence for retractable claws."--Jeremy K.

"We live life forward, but understand it backward."--Dr. Martin

"Yeah, not getting any where can be a problem.  I have that problem with women."--Jeremy L.

"I like to use boys--they're squishy!"--Emily

"All girls are hootches in their own way."--Erica R. 

"Soap gives me the runs."--Thomas

"I'm happy 'cause I'm a dirty dirty boy."--Mandi

"How am I ever going to get a husband if I keep making farting noises at the table?"--Mandi

"Brad has a dress in his closet--Don't ask me how I know that."--Ryan W. 

"Bury the opossum?  THERE'S A DEAD OPOSSUM IN MY CAR!?!"--Jeremy K.

"I'm a lazy bum"--Brad

"Not just his bum--all of him is lazy"--Emily

"I know I shouldn't think up ways to torture boys, but it's so fun."--Mandi

"Sam, can I borrow your thing that speeds up atoms and explodes cats?"--Nicole (she'd forgotten the word 'microwave')

"Don't confuse love with rabies."--Seth

"If I made sense, I'd invest it and make dollars."--Josh

"All I've been doing is writing speeches and writing in scripture notebooks."--Clint

"Me too, poopyhead."--Mandi

"I worship Captain Hair and so should you!" --Brad (about Perry)

Spring Fever (and choir tour)

"If you ever want to become sterile for a short period of time, wear leather pants.  I think they do it."--Jack

"Married men have no merit."--Blair

"You now have a little bit of gayness in you."--Kelly

"Take off your clothes...I mean, 'hi!'"--Dan

"All I have gotten from the last two classes is sphincters and exploding parrots."--Dan

"Pickles are immortal."--Beth

"Don't look at your belly in the mirror 'cause it's not really a mirror."--Amber

"It's the fourth member of the trinity--the Holy Spost."--Bryan L.

"Stop it, you perverted hussy!"--Sarah 

"I've always wondered what would happen if you could physically 'pop' a cat?"--Cassie

"It's the ancient blood-sucking meepaw of the aborigines." --Cassie 

"Blessed are you among women--you don't have to move."--Dr. Wilson

"Jebus I adore thee"--Brad

"I'm just one of those 4-letter words"--Brad

"Perry would make a better woman than Nick"--Jeff

"Tiffany has a prostitute pillow!"--Cassie

"She is NOT a skank!  She's wearing flannel!"--Tiffany

"I'm a dung-flinging chimpanzee, not a dung-flinging monkey--get it right!"--Matt S.

"Why didn't you tell me my dress was gaping?  The boys just saw my candy shop!"--Meg

"And now a reading....from ME!  God's a brick house!"--Nick

"I love my brother, I just don't LOVE my brother.  That would be Kentucky love."--Stacey

"What kind of mechanical device would you use to apply Cortizone to your anal pore?"--Cassie

"An electric toothbrush."--Heather

"Can somebody get my balls?  They're rolling down the aisle?"--Eric W.

"No cross dressing!"--Dr. Wilson

"Jill is actually the farm boy."--Brad

"Dead people don't sing."--Dr. Wilson

"My moment is when I walk by and they don't say 'What is that thing?'"--Matt S. 

"This is the beginning of the end.  Doc's going to quit the a cappella choir and start the head hit choir."--Aaron

"Everything's bigger in Texas....no, it isn't.  For instance, Armadillos..."--Brad

"Ryan Giffen."--Blair

"What is this?  I'm too sexy for this game?"--Shelly

"Anchovies are the antichrist"--Erica R.

"I can't contain myself when I'm in the bathroom"--Ash

"Let's sing this again, but this time in tune"--Dr. Wilson

"Does anyone have some wetness I can drink?"--Aaron

"See, Brad is just fun to play with."--Emily

"BUTT MAGNET!"--Eric and Jeff

"Enough of that butt crap."--Aaron

"We'll do a reduced program--Trinity minus one or something."--Dr. Wilson

"I can't resist a man in a tux."--Heather

"Brad's so sexy...Even with a rug on his chest."--Emily

"I am not immature you poopy-face stupid head."--Jeff

Any one else ready for Spring Break?

"When a problem comes along, you must F it."--Jeremy K.

"Oops!  I shouldn't kill that...It's a plant."--Dan

"If POD is a terrible band, then Jesus was a whore."--Seth

"I wanna be a post-modern, post-pot smoking minister!"--Lauryn

"Ah, Sex.  It makes everyone wake up in the morning."--Lauryn

"Every object in the world is comparable to their unit."--Becky

"Wrestling in Ancient Greece promoted homosexuality--I'm beginning to see why."--Seth

"Most people call it a zipper.  I call it a hole in the crotch."--Seth

"Welcome to Southern IL where 90% of us are inbred, but don't hold that against us."--Our choir host parent in Marion, IL

"Kathy's spiritual gift is seduction."--Heather

"Any part of you that touched me, you aren't getting back."--Cassie

"Turtle"--Dan

Winter Bleakness must be getting to us...

"NO!  I was NOT born in an English phone booth!"--Emily

" I am trying to start a rumor. Shut up."--Keppy

"I think viewing one case of genital warts would cure you of any libido you might have for the rest of your life."--Lauryn

We are all the body of Christ.  Somebody's gotta be the asshole."--Robert

"Screwing is not good, especially from Professor Marsch."--Thomas

"I want to have your puppies."--Seth

"You can't say Lauryn's last name--it's against the lifestyle statement."--Rob

"Selch sounds like a German swear word."--Lauryn

"I'm like Farmer Barbie!  What the heck!"--Emily

"If I knew someone with their jaw wired shut, I'd make fun of them too."--Ryan

"They should have an interterm class on body percussion."--Jack

"Yeah, they should call it 'how to play with yourself.'"--Seth

"It's funny how nowadays people associate actress and actor with bitch and bastard."--Jeremy K.

"Was that before or after he got humped in the union?"--Beth

"What's her name?"--??

"Liar girl."--Thomas

"No, her real name."--?

"That is her real name.  She just disguised it with another."--Thomas

"God is not a piece of chicken."--Rob

"It's symbolism.  Whoever pees in the middle (stall) is like Christ.  I'm usually the Christ figure."--Jess

"It's sex or nothing."--Beth

"Dude, you can see his buns"--Thomas upon watching Matt S. in a cheeseburger costume.

"Women?  Where we're going, we don't need women!"--Joe

"The inflatable roommate would be really quiet and if you get ticked at him, you can punch him and watch him blow up."--Em

"Like me, only bouncy!"--Jack

"He deserves to look masculine, he just can't do it."--Dan

"A 1-piece jigsaw puzzle girl would be like you say hello to her and she jumps on top of you, and I haven't met a girl like that yet."--Eric

"Eric, you haven't said hello to me yet."--Amber

"Have you ever wondered how many rodents have crawled into J.J's hair and died?"--Trisha

"That was really well done--stupid movie."--Dan

"If you rebel against everything, you stand for nothing."--Emily H.

"The thing that you dislike about someone else is the thing you hate most about yourself."--Eric

"My problem is all the girls I've liked have turned anti-me."--Jeff

"The explanation for the breakdown in communication is as simple as this: A woman wanted to have ESP, and he thought she said ESPN."--Emily (paraphrasing Jeff)

"If you wet yourself, I might just have to take that as a compliment."--Lauryn

"I think we should petition to call the new building 'Norm Hall Hall'"--Eric

"Jack, then you will get your hand stuck in a tampon machine."--Cassie

"Chai is sex for the mouth"--Josh

"I'm actually honored that he thinks I would blow up the school for something as stupid as him."--Jack

"I thought of becoming homosexual so girls would like me."--Dan

"Is there a peeing section in the pool?"--Eric

"Don't turn the lights off!  Everyone will have sex!"--Lauryn

"Jesus wore depends, or at least the ancient day equivalent of."--Michael S. 

 

"Every good movie should have frogs, crack, and a random naked guy."--Jeff

"I just let the funk envelop me."--Thomas

And the craziness continued!

"My mom used to say, 'Josh, you carry so much weight in your head.'"--Josh A.

"I think I'm lactating Chocolate."--Eric

"I wish I could spank."--Wendi to Eric

"If your religion doesn't account for love, sex, and romantic notions, something that is so central to our human existence, your religion isn't worth a crock of shit."--Dr. Shaw

"I love it that he doesn't feel like an idiot."--Jenyne

"I'm convinced that it's squirrel meat.  Every Monday it seems there is a lesser population of them."--Jeff

"Why does everything taste like chicken?  Did God run out of ideas or something?"--Cassie

"God is an eighth note."--Doc Wilson

"It sounds like you're saying 'salivate with Jesus!'"--Lauren

"I hate people who overly exaggerate."--Lauren

"I think when we die, God is going to use this quote book to say why we are not going to get into Heaven."--Michael S.

"75% of all statistics are made up."--Rob

"I'm gonna create some kind of website for Christian promiscuity." --Rambo

"The NASTIEST thing would be if you were a guy attracted only to dead male puppies."--Michael H.