Battle of the Sexes at dinner

"Your purpose is to be God's inter-galatical joke."--Trisha to Jeremy.

"Blood tastes like metal bars."--Lyndsey

"You have no room to talk, Mr. 'my town smells like wretched quaker oats'."--Trisha to Ben

"No (the quad cities) aren't horrid, but one in three people carry the plague."--Jeremy

"O that I had a Uterus!  I would sell my eggs!"--Jeremy

"We'd all make ugly women."--Jeremy talking to a co-ed group

"Homosexuality is the solution to all life's problems."--Trisha paraphrasing Jeremy

"I mooned President Mannoia."--Thomas (jokingly)

"The time J.J. dressed in drag, I have to admit, I found him more attractive as a women."--Lauren

"Sex is a lot like air.  It only matters when you're not getting any."--Jeff

"Guys why am I so retarded?"--??

"That's the way God made you."--Clint

"No, Tom.  You can't major in Necrophilia."--Dan

"It sounds so different in my head."--Dan

Strange things overheard...

"AAAHHHH! someone is pooping in my ear!"--Mike, as a horrible song came on the radio

"Brian, is that how you get women?"--Andy

"Me?  I don't get women."--Brian

"I just touched your leg and I'm not into that tonight."--Maggie

"Oh yeah?  Well I thought you were gay when I first met you."--Lauren to Mike

"What's more important--tampons or God?"--Matt

"That's not as cute as I thought it was.  I liked it better without the face sucking."--Maggie

"Life's it's own foot."--Mike (about poetry)

"He's getting old.  He's probably a pedophile by now."--David H.

"If you grabbed other men's genitals, you'd be from Michigan."--Jess

"Christians are the horniest people EVER."--Wendi

"Speaking of going to the bathroom, I learned a new trick."--Eric

"What's with people spitting their gum in the urinals?"--Jack

"She was a hooker--but I don't think she was naked."--Dr. Shaw

"He's my adopted twin brother."--Joe

"Joe, I love you."--Amber

"I love me too."--Joe

"I'm so happy, I could moon someone."--Cassie

"Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as chicken."--Amber

"Oh my gosh!  It says 'poop' in Japanese!"--Thomas

"My entire life is a hyperbole."--Emily

Ah, the things you hear in a girl's dorm early in the morning

"Nothing wakes you up in the morning like the feeling of hard nipples."--Emily paraphrasing Lauren.

"We started kissing.  Then I saw orange.  Then I woke up."--Jess

"Put THAT in your quote book and smoke it!"--Lauren

"Tova's wearing her little work costume!"--Lauren

More disturbing dinner conversations

"Sex is a lot like Pizza.  When it's good, it's REALLY good.  When it's bad, it's still pretty good."--Jeff

"If I have diarrhea, I'm going to make my wife hold my hand."--Daniel, on what a wimp he is. 

"Eric, I don't want you coming home pregnant."--Jack (Eric's roommate)

"So you want to be a millionaire?--Maybe.  I don't know, but it conflicts with my schedule."--Eric about the television show

"I need some protein.  Becky, can I eat your hair?"--Eric

"I don't think I'd sodomize myself."--Eric, meaning to say 'soil.'

"They're a few bricks short of a happy meal."--Chip

"Oh no!  That would involve me humping people!"--Thomas (about pretending to be Mr. Peepers)

"Put gel in your knuckle hair--come on!  all the guys are doing it."--Jack

"God gave us a great big universe.  It's like a gigantic play toy with no instructions.  We're bound to break it sometime."--Jeff

This one night...at dinner...

"It was like skinny dipping only I was wearing all my clothes and sitting at a table"--Lauren about someone's spit-take

"Guys, when did I get tuberculosis?"--Lauren

"Half Baked Jeremy--did he get his Liz Claybourne hat back?"--Jack

"I don't think I normally go out and get a butt tan--I don't think my butt has ever seen the light of day."--Thomas

"I don't ever speak up in senate because everyone is like 'I'm a moron!  Listen to me!'"--Thomas

"My new rule for sex offenders is 3 strikes and it's off--mandatory castration for offenders."--Lauren

Pumpkin Works Quotes!

"I love my butt nuts!"--Thomas

"My pants are so hot"--Jack

"Funk Polka!"--Emily

"If it's a guy, I prefer him to be gay."--Eric about hair dressers

"I prefer Sodomy"--Lauryn

The Trip (and quotes) that started it all...

Mid-October, 2000.  We'd just finished shack-a-thon, and many of us were headed to chicago for our class, "World of the Bible".  Only first names/nicknames will be provided to protect the not-so-innocent.

"You let a 4-wheeler ride a 12-year-old?"--Brian (getting a bit confused)

"That Flower's gonna die--just like your girlfriend."--Brian

"Shut up before I stab you with my chopsticks."--Amber

"I  think I'm perfect."--Andy

"I have chopsticks and I know how to use them."--Beth

"Hey, Emily.  Lay off the crack."--Lemon

"You will participate in a gala affair--in bed."--Andy

"If you want to see the virgin Mary who look like E.T., go to the corner or 57th and Euclid."--psycho guy on bus.

"It's like quasimoto on crack"--Lemon about the bells that rang from 9a.m-2p.m.

Then things got REALLY crazy as we settled in to the hostel for the night:

"A real man likes a firm embrace."--Josh

"Real men like hugs from other men."--Hutz

"What the hell? "--Josh

" I'm neutral--I'm Switzerland."--Josh

"Bomb their ares and bomb their jelly shots!"--Hutz

"A boyfriend is like a puppy dog--you have to let him know when he's doing good and when he's being bad."--Hutz

"We're going to call our band 'Gentile poo'!"--Brian and Joe L.

"Who stole my Ritz bits?  I thought this was a Christian college!"--Lacy