Election Night Madness!

" 'Vote by sex'?  I could only vote by touch screen or paper ballot!"--James (about the break down of voting by demographics)

"If any of those women want to vote by sex, I'm available.  Banging for Obama?  Macking for McCain?  That's an effort I can be bipartisan with."--Sparky

Starting to laugh again

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Right before the stuff hit the fan

"I've decided I'm a popple from the waist up, so one of my parents must have been human."--Becky

"We're going to have a rappin', funkin'...somethin' somethin'"--Becca

"The whole Christianity thing isn't what we d0--it's who we are."--Becca

"When your boyfriend starts saying the word 'condom,' watch out!"--Jenyne

"Don't ever take away my glory.  I'm single and you're not!"--Wendi to Eric

"I felt like pointing them to Jesus with the wrong finger."--Jeremy L.

...and then, a few days later, it was 9/11/01

Random Beginnings for year 2

"She'll be all dried up and so will you!"--Wendi commenting on Jesse not wanting to have kids until he's 40

"Dave, Jake and Jesse?  Not rapists."--Wendi

"She's got an internalized pot release system."--Jack

"We are definitely NOT going on an RNO date.  I will not wear a thong."--Matt to Wendi

"That's not fair.  You can poke me, but I can't poke you and do NOT PUT THAT IN THE QUOTE BOOK!"--Wendi

"It starts with a P and ends with a Psycho."--Wendi

"I am NOT watching Serena the prostitute!"--Wendi

"But that's what I want to be when I grow up.  Why do you think I'm student teaching?"--Amelia

"What's wrong with me?"--Becky

"So many things, so little time."--Wendi

"It looks like throw up...sorry...by that I mean candy."--Nicole

"I have a new piercing--I won't tell you where!"--Eric

"You guys  should just wear my clothes all the time.  That way when you return them, I can just smell myself"--Eric to the women in the room

"I didn't really like the mustache.  It made him look like a child molester.  It was a moles-ache!"--Nick

"Quick!  I need a wife!"--Eric

"Dang!  I'm losing guys!  I need to put up a sign!"--Wendi

"Dang Winner."--Jack

"Don't have little furry friends that turn into balls"--Seth talking about lessons he learned watching 'popples'.

"I am all about full popple nudity"--Seth

"He was like cotton candy boy.  Every time he walked by, I wanted to eat him."--Seth about Michael's multi-colored hair

"Those dynamite are humping the screen.  That's not right."--Becky (about an e-card)

"Wasted is a state.  How you get there can vary."--Keppy

"I need to give Rob a big hug or...my first born or something for fixing my computer."--Becky

"If girls start going back to the hairstyles and makeup of the 80s, I think I'll go gay."--Matt

"Trashy screams Greenville."--Jeremy L.

"The bookstore needs to stop raping us."--Lacy

"All girls are evil...except for us."--Laura

"Dan, sometimes one man is too much."--Beth

"I didn't feel bad for you at all.  You put hot--I mean HOT--macaroni down my pants."--Eric to Jack

"The secret to staying young is being naked."--Eric

"Shh!  Be quiet!  I'm trying to hear the subtitles."--Amelia

"Stupid people taste like chicken."--Emily

"I'll stick my head in your eye"--Haku, Seth's pinky finger

"Haku plays piano--WITH FACE!"--Haku, Seth's pinky finger

"See Dick.  See Dick Run.  I don't know what Dick is doing, but you shouldn't watch."--Dan

"At least, as a third wheel, I could be a tricycle and not a fifth wheel."--Seth

"Now you're a trailer."--Rob

Last 2 weeks of that first year...

"It's like 'just Jack'...minus the gay part."--Cassie

"I'm not a pessimist.  I'm an optimist about failure!"--Ash

"It's almost like being naked, only more aerodynamic."--Jess (about wearing a speedsuit)

"I'm high on Greenville!"--Ash

"God must have a sense of humor 'cause he created bowel movements.  You learn that when you have community bathrooms."--Ash

"I have hair in all the wrong places."--Seth

"If God makes boobs, then I think every man wants to be God."--Becky

"I think I'm riding in a car with a bunch of bi-polar women."--Jack

"I can't help it if I'm romantically involved with a plastic disk"--Jake (about his frisbee)

"Eric, do you want to know what it feels like to be a woman?"--Jack

"Rat boy?  It seems we have an infestation of vermin at Greenville"--Jesse

"The time is right to make new friends."--Dawn's fortune cookie

"Do you want to play rabies tag?"--Thomas

"I wonder how much of what we eat turns in to hair?"--Eric

"I think somebody snuck into my head...."--Dan

"Love is like Laxative chocolate--sweet and poopy all at the same time."--Jess

"You don't need your armpits to sing anyway."--Beth

"The key to dating is not shooting yourself in the foot too quickly."--Eric

"Go away all you cursed vixens of God!"--Eric

"Stop using sex to control me!"--Jack (jokingly) to Seth

"My a** will not cause anyone to stumble....well, maybe if they tripped over it..."--Lauryn

"Some of you will be wenches--I can see it already."--Doc (about the madrigal)

"Rock stars get sashes?  I'll major in rock star!"--Stacey (about Jars of Clay receiving honorary degrees)

"I've got a frohawk--it has the consistency of an afro, but the cut of a mohawk."--Dan

"I'm getting gayer every day."--Dan

The beginning of the end (of year 1)

"I cut off the bottoms so I could sew up the butt."--Nicole

"If jello didn't exist, I wouldn't know the meaning of life."--Jeremy L.

"Ha Ha!  Man whore!"--Jack to Eric

"This is for everyone who has had a bad day and everything has gone like poop."--Jon

"Me saying 'shit' has nothing to do with whether or not I'm a christian."--Seth

"I missed him so bad, I could have peed out my eyes...I have NO idea what that means."--Lauryn

"their perfect little...prep and...jock...and puke...and...lots of bad words!"--Lauryn

"Jesus had many miracles. One was to fee the 5,000.  Another was to feed me!"--Thomas

"I like to flirt with the professors...in a non girl-boy way."--Dan

"I'm anal as well--I do laundry when I run out of underwear."--Mandy

"Guys are dumb.  You would have thought I'd learned by now--I've liked enough of them."--Heather

"Okay back to me driving on the left side of the road and murdering Ryan."--Dr. Boyd

"I think it's funny how people go into missions to escape sex."--Ash

"I'm converting to bi-polarism. Does anyone care if I fart?"--Dan

"Life is like a block of cheese.  It gets better with age, only  eventually it gets crusty and moldy."--Jeremy L.

"I wonder what boredom would look like if you peed it?"--Lauryn

"I'm gonna help girls by seducing them, then leaving them."--Matt S.

"I don't WANT to be in the quote book!"--Dan S.

"Brad is like one of the funniest guys ever--have you ever felt one of his boobs?"--Eric

"You know you big boobs when your cup size fits your head like a swimming cap."--Cassie

"I'll tell you something--my underwear is not plastic."--Eric

"I hate driving in dresses."--Jeff

"After that, Mary would have a few more lambs than we wanted."--Meg C.

"What's so funny?"

"Apparently not me."--Jeremy L.

"I do boyfriends--I mean, I don't DO boyfriends"--Eric O.

"He's just having too much fun with himself."--Tova

"Too bad I'm married and he's a male whore."--Andi

"When the lights aren't running, testosterone runs this campus."--Michael S.

"I've lost my puppy.  Can you help me find him?  I think he's gone into this cheap hotel room."--Keppy (trying to find the worst pick-up line ever)

"You don't populate the world with it and call it 'junk'"--Seth

"It's a christian college--All the guys are Chauvinists."--Dave B.

"I would half of my intelligence for retractable claws."--Jeremy K.

"We live life forward, but understand it backward."--Dr. Martin

"Yeah, not getting any where can be a problem.  I have that problem with women."--Jeremy L.

"I like to use boys--they're squishy!"--Emily

"All girls are hootches in their own way."--Erica R. 

"Soap gives me the runs."--Thomas

"I'm happy 'cause I'm a dirty dirty boy."--Mandi

"How am I ever going to get a husband if I keep making farting noises at the table?"--Mandi

"Brad has a dress in his closet--Don't ask me how I know that."--Ryan W. 

"Bury the opossum?  THERE'S A DEAD OPOSSUM IN MY CAR!?!"--Jeremy K.

"I'm a lazy bum"--Brad

"Not just his bum--all of him is lazy"--Emily

"I know I shouldn't think up ways to torture boys, but it's so fun."--Mandi

"Sam, can I borrow your thing that speeds up atoms and explodes cats?"--Nicole (she'd forgotten the word 'microwave')

"Don't confuse love with rabies."--Seth

"If I made sense, I'd invest it and make dollars."--Josh

"All I've been doing is writing speeches and writing in scripture notebooks."--Clint

"Me too, poopyhead."--Mandi

"I worship Captain Hair and so should you!" --Brad (about Perry)

Spring Fever (and choir tour)

"If you ever want to become sterile for a short period of time, wear leather pants.  I think they do it."--Jack

"Married men have no merit."--Blair

"You now have a little bit of gayness in you."--Kelly

"Take off your clothes...I mean, 'hi!'"--Dan

"All I have gotten from the last two classes is sphincters and exploding parrots."--Dan

"Pickles are immortal."--Beth

"Don't look at your belly in the mirror 'cause it's not really a mirror."--Amber

"It's the fourth member of the trinity--the Holy Spost."--Bryan L.

"Stop it, you perverted hussy!"--Sarah 

"I've always wondered what would happen if you could physically 'pop' a cat?"--Cassie

"It's the ancient blood-sucking meepaw of the aborigines." --Cassie 

"Blessed are you among women--you don't have to move."--Dr. Wilson

"Jebus I adore thee"--Brad

"I'm just one of those 4-letter words"--Brad

"Perry would make a better woman than Nick"--Jeff

"Tiffany has a prostitute pillow!"--Cassie

"She is NOT a skank!  She's wearing flannel!"--Tiffany

"I'm a dung-flinging chimpanzee, not a dung-flinging monkey--get it right!"--Matt S.

"Why didn't you tell me my dress was gaping?  The boys just saw my candy shop!"--Meg

"And now a reading....from ME!  God's a brick house!"--Nick

"I love my brother, I just don't LOVE my brother.  That would be Kentucky love."--Stacey

"What kind of mechanical device would you use to apply Cortizone to your anal pore?"--Cassie

"An electric toothbrush."--Heather

"Can somebody get my balls?  They're rolling down the aisle?"--Eric W.

"No cross dressing!"--Dr. Wilson

"Jill is actually the farm boy."--Brad

"Dead people don't sing."--Dr. Wilson

"My moment is when I walk by and they don't say 'What is that thing?'"--Matt S. 

"This is the beginning of the end.  Doc's going to quit the a cappella choir and start the head hit choir."--Aaron

"Everything's bigger in Texas....no, it isn't.  For instance, Armadillos..."--Brad

"Ryan Giffen."--Blair

"What is this?  I'm too sexy for this game?"--Shelly

"Anchovies are the antichrist"--Erica R.

"I can't contain myself when I'm in the bathroom"--Ash

"Let's sing this again, but this time in tune"--Dr. Wilson

"Does anyone have some wetness I can drink?"--Aaron

"See, Brad is just fun to play with."--Emily

"BUTT MAGNET!"--Eric and Jeff

"Enough of that butt crap."--Aaron

"We'll do a reduced program--Trinity minus one or something."--Dr. Wilson

"I can't resist a man in a tux."--Heather

"Brad's so sexy...Even with a rug on his chest."--Emily

"I am not immature you poopy-face stupid head."--Jeff